Ignorance is Bliss

Throughout this whole experience it seems like the world makes me feel it is not fair for me to express what I have gone through.



What I mean is....

When people say, it must be so hard for that pregnant woman to see this. "This" being the funeral for a baby.

That thought just makes me so irate. Like it makes me want to scream loud enough for the whole world to hear. It must be so hard to have a happy healthy pregnancy. It must be so hard to get to live through each day with your baby. It must be so hard to know that your baby is going to live.

You want to know what's hard, I'll be more than happy to tell you!

It is hard to go through six months of pregnancy and know my child is not going to live and there is nothing I can do about.

It's hard knowing the only outfit I get to buy when I walked into Carter's Baby Outlet, is the outfit my daughter is going to buried in.

It's hard having people rub my belly in stores asking how far along you are, politely smiling and telling them, when I know I will never be able to watch my baby grow.

It's hard having to walk passed the baby isle knowing that I never get to decorate a room for Emma.

It's hard going to the ob/gyn every week and maternal/fetal specialist and continuously being told that your daughter's condition is worse and there is even less chance for survival.

It's hard having to go to out in public when it seems like every where I turn there are new borns or pregnant woman and it feels like they are just set there to torment me.

It's hard picking out the cemetery for your daughter to be buried in instead of picking out her crib.

It's hard birthing a baby after 21 hours of labor and not get to hear her cry.

It's hard knowing the only gift I will be able to provide for my daughter is her headstone.

It's hard knowing that when you leave that hospital, it's just you. No "It's a girl" balloon, no congratulations. Just you. And just pain.

That's what hard is.