Emma,
I miss you more than I can put in words. Most days, I don't want to be here without you. I wish I could spend forever holding you. I don't understand why life has to be like this or why we just can't be together.
I so badly want to watch you grow up and learn what your favorite color is and sing silly songs with you. I want to watch you take your first step see what color eyes you have. I want to color with you and play hide and go seek. I want to rock you to sleep each night and hold you in my arms every morning.
I try so hard to be strong here without you, but truth is I am a wreck. I wish God would have taken me.
If He is real why did you have to be sick, why couldn't I keep you here with me, why couldn't he just take me?
I keep your little outfit hanging on my dresser and wish that I could dress you in it.
Right after you left, I would wake in the middle of the night and just be so worried that you were cold or scared of the dark. I know you aren't really there, but it is hard for me to separate you from your physical self.
I just miss you so much Emma and I wish everyday when I wake up that loosing you could just be the worst dream I ever had.
I want so badly to give you the world and it's so hard to know I can't. I am so tired of living without you and I am so frustrated that I have to.
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I just wish our time together was longer.
I just wish you didn't have to go Emmie. It just really hurts my heart that you are gone.
If they would have let me, I would have given my heart to you if it could have saved you. I just don't understand how there was no way to make you okay.
I hope you know how much I love you and I hope someday we will be together again because I can't wait. I will hold you forever and never, ever let you go.
Love,
Mommy
Maybe I am not supposed to make comments because no one else seems to be, but I want to. I think she knows how much you love her and niw she sits up worried about her mom. Worrying how will mom get through the next challenge life brings awaiting the time she gets to see you. And God, if he is up there, he is probably already getting an ear ful of why didn't you let me get to know my mom. But she has one piece that we don't have here. She is sitting in heaven wairing for us to get there, where we are required to be on blind faith awaiting what we wonder if it will ever come. She is proccbably upset thather mom had to go through pain alone. Yeah, I think she has enough of our family in her that she has more than once went straight up to god and said "Dude, what the hell!" Just wait till I get there,he has a lot of explaining to do for this. He has infinite wisdom,thus he will be the one who can give the answers. That's what I think.
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