At the end of June I was walking to the mail box after work and as I was walking, I noticed this tiny baby bird stranded on the cement. He had fallen 8 or 9 feet onto a hard cement platform. From the moment I noticed him, I knew my life had changed. I just started crying. Seeing him instantly reminded me of Emma.
I know if baby birds fall from their nest you are to leave them because their mommy is probably watching them from afar. But, I just couldn't leave him. The fall had damaged his right wing and right leg and he was unable to move. If he had been left there I know he would have either died from the heat or someone just walking by and stepped on him. So I ran back to the apartment and Cameron came back and helped me bring him inside.
We set him up a little shoe box and I went out to search for some twigs and leaves to put in it. In the end, the little makeshift nest from toliet paper ended up working best. Thankfully, the world has provided us with google and youtube. So we were able to look up what to feed him, how often to feed him, how to keep him warm. For the first time in my life since I lost Emma, I felt like I had a purpose again.
I just love that little bird so much. It was so hard to see him try to scoot around in the box with only one leg and he would constantly fall over and be stuck on his side. I always look forward to come home from work to take care of him.
After several weeks, Percival's feathers finally grew in and he could almost flutter, but was not yet able to fly. On the weekends and after work, I would take him out of his cage and we would play. I loved watching him explore the living room like it was a jungle and pick up strings from the dogs' toys and drag them around the room.
From the moment I found him, it was my original intention to take Percival to the Wildlife Center where they would be able to rehabilitate him and possibly release him back into the wild some day, so he can live the life that birds are meant to live.
So many days I found myself unsettled about keeping this bird here with me. There were countless times where I would tell myself today I am going to take Percival. But, I just couldn't do it.
To me he was not just a bird, he was my baby. I just saw Emma in him so much, and it was like I was finally able to take care of her, even though Percival was a bird. I got to feed him often, and hold him in my arms, he would wake me up at 645 everyday on the dot. He would sit on my shoulder while I walked around the apartment and did various things. He always chirped and talked with me.
But, still I was so conflicted. I feel like I sit here and say that my daughter never got to live. She never even got a chance at life. And when I looked at Percival, I just can not sit here and say that it is fair for me to keep him caged just because I love him so very much. It is not fair for me to take away his life for mine.
One day, I had finally almost convinced myself that it was alright to keep him, when Cameron took me and got me a birdcage for him. I remember walking into the store and seeing this beautiful bird in cage. Just there for others amusement. And when we made eye contact, I felt like that bird pleeded to be freed. Pleeded be free to live his life.
And isn't that what we have troops fighting for in other countries right now? Freedom? Defending our freedom? Isn't that what we want? To not be told how we can and can't live our lives? I know that is what I want. So how can I sit here and think I have the right to take that away from someone else?
People will say he is just a bird. He isn't just a bird. And no animal is just an animal. If for some devine reason or through the process of evolution, we were given the brains we have, I feel we ought to start using them. We have the knowledge to know the difference between right and wrong. But, do we use it?
I know no one else in this entire world likes or wants to be caged and yet I feel we feel it is okay to cage those that are inferior to us. I do not think that it is any ones purpose in life to cage someone or be caged.
On July 31 (Harry Potter's birthday), I finally took Percival to the wildlife center. That whole day, I kept saying in my head, God please give me the strength to do what I know is right for Percival. And I did it.
It feels like I have lost my daughter all over again. That baby bird meant more to me than anyone will ever understand. I know he was put in my life for a reason, some days I just wish that reason could be different.
And in my heart I know that if I truly love that little bird, that I would find the strength to do what is right for him. Every time I think of this it reminds me of the wise words of Professor Dumbledore, "There comes a time, Harry, when you will have to choose between what is right and what is easy..."
And sadly, whats right usually isn't what is easy. It would be easy for me to keep Percival here and make him stay in a cage 9 hours a day while I am work so that I can have joy from our time together when I am home. It would be easy for me to only take him out of his cage when I am able to watch him and make sure he is okay. That would be easy, because it wouldn't hurt my heart and it would make me happy.
But, it isn't what is right. Percival was not born to sit in a cage 9 hours or more day. He wasn't born to live in an apartment.
He was born to sore in the sky with his beautiful wings and play in trees. He was born to have birdy babies and make birds nests. He was meant for so much more than I could give him.
Every day, I think of him and hope he knows I was just doing what is best for him. I hope my baby bird never forgets me and although he maybe never be at home with me again. I hope some day that he will stop by and say hey mom look I can fly! Because in the end, that is all that matters.
And even though, I miss him more than words can ever describe. I know in my heart he is where he needs to be.
I am sure he won't forget. You never know which birrd he might be. I always liked hesring about that bird. It was a cook story.
ReplyDeleteJosh